T-minus 6 days

For those of you who have asked if I am going to have a blog while I'm in Ecuador, I told you that I was going to start it from the plane.  Well, now I have some time at Alcor and so I decided to start it from the States.  Here's a sneak peak.
I was able to spend this past weekend at Trinity, catching up with my dear friends, taking care of a little bit of paperwork, touring the newly refurnished spaces, and enjoying the excitement and energy of move-in weekend.  I got a lot in during those 3.5 days: was able to see all  the beautifully decorated hallways, run and walk at Lake Katherine, enjoy SNL and Messy Games (for the 4th year in a row), have quality conversations, help decorate Tib and sit at the move-in table, hang out with Baby Chase, celebrate Molly's birthday at Half-Apps, walk on the Trin-Trail, make crafts with my roommates, and drink iced coffee.  My time there was beautiful and blessed; yes, it was a weird to show up after freshman move-in was done, to have little-to-no formal responsibility, and to tell freshman that I'm a senior, and not having "my floor" and "my girls."  But being there still makes so much sense.  I feel safe, secure, and loved.  I know (at least a little bit) how to serve God and how to love His people there.  It's about as comfortable as one's senior year of college could be.  And honestly, that kind of comfortable sounds really really nice right now. 
But, right now, I don't think God wants me to be that kind of comfortable.  When I moved to Trinity, I was uncomfortable.  When I started RA-ing in South, I was uncomfortable.  When I moved to Tib, I was uncomfortable.  And in each of those, God has grown me, stretched me, blessed me, and been more faithful to me than I could have asked or imagined.  This weekend I had to answer and process questions about Ecuador and about my heart that I haven't been able to process for myself yet.  One of those is "What are you most excited about?" That answer is two-fold; I'm excited-adventure to go into the jungle and climb mountains and hike through caves.  But, I'm excited-heart to grow closer to God, to depend on Him and fall more in love with Him, in the way that you can only grow when you're as uncomfortable as I'm probably going to be when I land in Quito next Wednesday. 
Before I left Trinity on Tuesday, my friends, my "church", prayed over me in Tib Lobby.  I sat with tears streaming down my face (pretty significant, for any of you who know me well) as I listened to them lift up prayers for things I haven't even thought to pray for yet.  I listend to them pray specifically for things I had mentioned in conversation, either earlier that week or 6 months ago.  I was overwhelmed and humbled by their love and by God's love.  Good-bye was hard. Still is really hard. And I know good-bye to my family is going to be just as hard.  As I drove home (without my best ever navigating buddy) I wanted nothing more than to either just be home, or to turn around and go back to Trin.  But, I also felt a deeper, richer peace than I have felt about Ecuador yet.  Up to this point, I would say I was at peace, but that was probably because I just didn't let myself really realize what was happening.  This peace was different, real, because it didn't just mask my fears and worries or the fact that I'm really really going to miss being at home and at Trin, but it was present despite those feelings. 
So that's where I'm at now.  "Are you ready?" is another hard question to answer.  I have my visa, my shots, my books (well, almost ;), ect.  My bags aren't packed. And I'm not jumping up and down to actually get on that plane.  But my heart is excited.  I can't wait to see God through a new lens. I can't wait to discover a more complete joy in Him. And I can't wait to find a reason to sing each evening.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." Matt. 5:8  I'm praying for a pure heart, because what could be cooler than seeing God?